You will never be enough...

You will never be enough

to save the world.

You will never be enough to save the world.
You will be hated.
You will stand tall and the world will want you small.
You will play small and miss your own tall just to fit through their doorways.
You will cut yourself in half to fit into rooms full of people that only notice the deficit that you’ve formed in yourself on their behalf.
You will forget who you are and the world will remind you of it daily.
You will be prey to media, to marketing, to a society that tells you that the half you’ve made yourself into can be made full only by it, and not by you.
You will be predator to valueless things and find yourself victim to wanting that which even if you got, would never be enough to fill your other half.
You will never be enough in the eyes of the world my love.

They will not understand you.
They will loathe that a speck of the half that you didn’t slice away of yourself for them, is the part of you left that will never surrender to their projections.
They will call you names and push you around, and demand that you cower.
They will never be enough to show you my love.
They will never be enough to show you that you ARE Love.

This world will never be enough for you my love. And it will always, somehow, feel like too much.

I cannot take away the pain.
I cannot make you full no matter how much I give or how hard (or soft) I try.
I cannot be your life force when watching yours pale, leaves me with a little less of my own.
I cannot love you in action enough to make my love the only love you need and the worlds lack thereof, pointless to you.
I cannot take back the years you missed me when I was trying to get us out of toxic situations so you didn’t end up…just…like…this.

I could never have been enough to give you everything I wish you had.

But, I will love you while you hurt.
I will stay with you while your pain is right here, while you face that which you’ve been afraid to feel.
I will be here for you in all of the ways that not-enough can.
I will guard you, and protect you, and be hated by the people who’d rather have us both cut into halves of ourselves and I will teach you that its ok to be your fullness if only by example.
I will walk proudly in your name, with my tallness, remembering all the years I felt just like you. Too tall, and oh, so small.
I will never forget who you are and I will reflect it to you every single day of your entire life so that one day, when I’m gone, if only for a moment, you remember, I’ll know in all of the not-enough, I’d at least have given you that. I’d have give you enough.

If only I can give you You, my love, that, will be enough.
You my love, are enough.
You my love, are everything to me.
Everything.

I wrote this for my son today.
And yet, I imagine, it’s exactly how God feels, about all of us.