Aligning a Misaligned Life...
Living an aligned life in all of the temptations of the limelight is a fragile and delicate balance. I know doctors who are made sick by their professions but stick to the path with the intent to pay down their student loans (or their children’s student loans), crossing their fingers that their bodies don’t give out on them in the time they need to do it.
I know lawyers who are plagued by the choice to maintain the high life lifestyle or be present to their kids, given little opportunity to equally sustain both.
Both have the dissonant complaint that if they want to provide their children with great experiences they must continue down a path that’s anything but a great experience for themselves.
As the child of such a misaligned life, I assure you, the things those positions can buy them are far less desirable to them than the love and presence of a parent that buys them time, rather than things, and as far as shiny bright objects of careers go, that often looks like it comes with a heavy cost to a parent.
(If you don’t have kids, consider if you use these same reasons to stay on a misaligned path with your own inner child.)
If you live an aligned life, this isn’t for you. But if you’re so far off course and have put a lot of time, money, and energy to getting this far on the wrong course, I want you to know I see you.
I want you to know you have permission. You’re allowed.
Whoever cares about you will support you, and whoever cares that you look like an asshole for your decisions more than they care if your decisions are right for you, is an asshole.
I want you to know that a new choice, a risky one even, that scares the living fuck out of you today, might just be the actual fucking living you’re waking up to tomorrow. And it just might be awesome.
That living may look like uncertainty, a mystery, and it may have you staring at the wall for a few days from your bed in a prayer you didn’t even let yourself pray in all the years you’ve been trying so damn hard to control the outcome.
I want you to know that it wasn’t a waste. All that you put in, emboldened you to be a brave enough, strong enough person to light the whole thing on fire and finally find yourself feeling reprieve as the ember that is you, falls gently to your bed to rest with you awhile.
Your health, will guide you to it. I mean that. Health itself, is an aligned place in you, and it calls to you. But it’s hard AF to hear with all the noise.
I want you to know if you walked down a long path in the middle of the night that you thought was the right way to get you home by morning, if somewhere down the path you realized it wasn’t the right way home, you’d turn around to find the place you were sure, was the way.
You wouldn’t continue walking in that direction once you realized it was wrong because you put a bunch of time, energy, and hope into that particular way (if home is where you actually wanted to be).
You wouldn’t curiously, in exhaustion say, “well, let’s just see where this leads because after all, I did walk this far,” while you can see the sun coming up.
I know it’s hard to set up a life you believed would be the golden ticket, and then to sell that 100,000 dollar ticket back for single dolla dolla bills ya’ll.
I know the let down and the bargaining of having spent a very long night walking the wrong path toward home, and resting for a minute where I was when I realized I’d gone down the wrong path, and to eat the dirt of what it takes to be a person who turns around to find a path that feels more like home. To leave all the effort, time, money, status, behind for the sake of a life that feels honest, true, and meaningful is dirty work for the soul in a world that tidies up the ego.
I’ve found a middle way. I really, truly, humbly and so so so immeasurably thankfully, have.
And I know you can too.
What some might call self sabotage, might actually be the rightful refusal to continue sabotaging the Self.
I don’t know what your middle way is, but I do know if you’re far from it, it’ll feel incredibly risky for you to find it. You don’t have to find it. You don’t have to find it right now, but I want you to know, I believe in you, and I believe that if you want to, you can live a life from your center, but know that it takes a lot of guts, to live by heart.
I believe in You.
To your peace & happiness,
Stac